3 Ways Women Can Thrive in the Sandwich Generation Stop trying to do it all, and learn to thrive with the cards you've been dealt.
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The group of middle aged adults who deal with both raising children and caring for their parents has been deemed the "sandwich generation." This role comes with many challenges, and this was especially noticeable during the pandemic.
According to the National Alliance for Caregiving, 9.3 million Americans fall into this category — and a whopping 64% are women. The expectation is for women to work harder than ever, and this once again puts women in the position of choosing where to focus their attention. How do we navigate this in a way that allows us to thrive?
Prioritize your own well-being over everything else
I recently went on a weekend trip with my daughter to visit her potential universities. When we returned home, exhausted on a Sunday evening, I found my mother — who suffers from dementia — in her nightgown in my kitchen. I could see she was really confused. She looked directly at me and said, "Who are you?"
I was shocked and heartbroken.
Just then, my phone rang. It was my boss checking in as he'd be traveling for the next few days. As we talked, he could hear my disoriented mother in the background. I told her to hold on and pointed to the phone. On the other end, my boss very reasonably told me that we could catch up at a better time. My boss, the head of a technology company, was more focused on my well-being than I was.
"No, it's fine," I told him. "No problem."
I chose to power through because I felt the need to prove myself.
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Understand what is urgent and what is not
After our conversation ended, I thought about why I felt so obligated to stay on the phone. I've decided the reason is that women have been conditioned to power through; we have been conditioned to feel the need to prove ourselves.
Women are expected to work a triple shift. The first shift (working outside the home) is often followed by the second shift (taking care of the home when returning from the first shift). The third shift refers to the work of caring for parents, volunteering or other endeavors.
The last 18 months have been particularly trying for women in this position. For corporate women, it's led to higher burnout, fatigue and a lack of ambition compared with their male colleagues.
Related: Women Business Owners, It's Time to Own Our Power
Invest in your daily life instead of just getting through it
There really is no such thing as work-life balance. When faced with two options, instead of making a choice between work and family, choose what I call whole-life integration. Find ways to have both if that's what you want. Throw away the old-school mentality that says you must feel guilty about choosing ways to invest in yourself.
Annie Dillard once said, "How we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives."
For me, I want to spend my life working to support my family and leveling the playing field for all talent to thrive. For women, this may mean spending our days not trying to do it all.
