Looking for a Punch in the Nose? The only thing more annoying than a bad deal is a bad deal-maker.

I like most of the people I deal with. Sometimes things startoff rocky, but usually I can build a good relationship. Thisisn't about those people.

Instead, this month, I vent about those "others" outthere who should be medicated, strapped to a gurney and whiskedfrom the bargaining table. Dear Reader, I hope you don'trecognize yourself below:

1. The liar: You spend a lotof time haggling when you practice law for 20 years. By now,nothing should surprise me. But it does. When somebody tells me abig lie, my jaw drops and my soul fills with wonder. Some liedeliberately. Some can't tell the difference. Whatever thereason, the liar brings a touch of evil in and erodes whateverfaith we have left in humanity. I could quote Dante. Instead, toall you liars out there, I say: May your spouses deceive you andyour children betray you.

2. The whiner: "Aw,come on, come on, come on..." My dog uses this tactic. I haveto admit--she is often successful. But this is not dignified foranything that walks upright and has opposable thumbs. Luckily, onecan retrain this breed of opponent using store-bought kibble and arolled-up newspaper.

3. The manipulator: I oftenrepresent studios when they hire stars for their movies. One suchluminary demanded a huge loan as an advance against his (alreadyhighly inflated) fee. When I explained to his attorney that thestudio did not think that kind of deal was appropriate, he got justplain nasty. "Don't you care about my client?" hesnapped indignantly. For a nanosecond, I felt guilty. In Hollywood,negotiations are often carried out with phrases such as "Trustme," "You 'da man," "I'm reaching outto you" and "baby." To those of you who live outsideof Los Angeles, be grateful that these are just local customs.

4. The cheap con: I knowI'm dealing with a "smoove" talker when they ask formy bottom line within the first 20 seconds of a negotiation. Myfirst name may be "Marc," but I don't like beingtaken for one. Insulting your opponent's bargaining acumen isnot the best way to establish rapport.

5. The time-waster: I meanthe petty ones who can't see the forest for the trees and getcaught up in details that end up being meaningless. Now, I mustconfess. Once, when I leased the floating hull of an abandoned shipowned by the Canadian Navy as a movie set, they reserved the rightto kick us off in the event of war. I objected. "How," Iexclaimed, "could anyone shoot a movie with that hanging overtheir heads?" Quietly, the representative asked me to name thelast time the Canadian Navy went to war.

He got me.

A speaker and attorney in Los Angeles, Marc Diener is the author ofDeal Power.