Speak Up Hate to negotiate? That's still no excuse to avoid learning this skill.
By Marc Diener
Opinions expressed by BIZ Experiences contributors are their own.
An BIZ Experiences who doesn't like to negotiate is like a chefwho doesn't like to handle knives. Bargaining ability is a keybusiness skill. If you resist learning and using it, you have aserious deficit-not just at the bargaining table, but also inlife.
Of course, there are plenty of reasons not to likenegotiating. It can be alternately petty, time-consuming,confrontational, impossibly difficult and aggravating (to name afew). What matters most, however, is why you don't liketo negotiate.
Some people feel it's degrading, like they're beggingthe other side for scraps. As the psychotherapists say, let'sreframe this: Sure, there are times when you have no power.That's when pleading, begging and whining become strategicoptions.
Usually, however, that's not the case. Most people can walkaway from almost any deal. There's nothing demeaning abouthaving the power to say no. Which do you prefer: negotiating oroverpaying because you're too stuck-up to haggle? I doubt BillGates, Donald Trump or any other business icon feels thatnegotiating is beneath his or her dignity. Rather, they pridethemselves on their skill and stamina.
For a few, the problem is systemic. These are the pathologicallyshy, who wilt at the prospect of any kind of confrontation-theycan't get to yes, and they can't just say no. If yourecognize yourself, you'll need help on two fronts. First, getsomeone to do your negotiating for you, because right nowyou're just not ready. Second, do some serious soul-searching,and find a way to change. Otherwise, you'll rarely get what youdeserve, no matter what the situation.
For most people, however, the problem is not about some organicweakness in their psyches. It's the natural awkwardness offacing a new opponent or a new situation. The solution is simple:Learn and practice new skills. Ask a colleague to coach you. Thumbthrough one of the many good books on negotiation. Take a seminar.Bring someone along to pump you up or step in if you get stuck.Make an ongoing commitment to become a better negotiator. Even theaverage consumer can save many thousands of dollars over a lifetimeif he or she has a few good moves at the bargaining table.
Above all, try to have fun. It's just a game. My very firstnegotiation took place at the proverbial open market in Morocco (nokidding). I was more than just reluctant-I was scared. But my buddyegged me on. I bickered and dickered, stormed out a few times, andultimately got what I wanted at a small fraction of the askingprice. It was fun. I saved some dough. But the best part was theboost to my self-esteem and skill set for successful living. Thatwas truly priceless.
A speaker and attorney in Los Angeles, is author of Deal Power.
