These 5 Money Secrets Can Turn Healthy Relationships Toxic, Financial Therapist Warns Dr. Traci Williams reveals what's at stake when couples avoid awkward conversations — and how to move forward in a productive way.
By Amanda Breen Edited by Jessica Thomas
Key Takeaways
- Many people still consider money a taboo topic and avoid discussions about it.
- Yet 22% of those in serious relationships would end the relationship over poor financial management.
"Money is a taboo topic in our society, high on the list of topics to avoid on dates, alongside politics and religion," certified financial therapist Dr. Traci Williams tells BIZ Experiences. "Even for established couples, it can be an uncomfortable topic."
Image Credit: Lyndsey Hobby Photography. Dr. Traci Williams.
Many people grew up in families where money wasn't a topic of conversation or was a source of stress for their caregivers, Williams says, and that can translate to a lack of financial literacy, money mistakes and "fear of potential embarrassment" if they have to be transparent about their financial circumstances with a partner.
Related: You Know Your Love Language, But What About Your Money Language?
That anxiety might come as no surprise given the high stakes: 77% of Americans in a serious relationship (engaged or married) said that being financially irresponsible is a turnoff, and 22% would end a relationship over poor financial management, according to a Love & Money survey from banking app Chime.
The research also revealed that 21% of respondents keep financial secrets from their partners. According to Williams, crucial details about these five financial areas are the most commonly kept under wraps:
- Debt
- Savings
- Number of accounts
- Spending habits
- Credit scores
Being less than transparent about personal finances only prevents an awkward discussion and other negative consequences in the short term. "Healthy relationships require trust, vulnerability and support," Williams says. "Secrets of any kind affect your ability to develop these key ingredients to relationship success. In addition, if partners are legally coupled, money secrets can potentially affect both people."
The couples surveyed by Chime said that they typically discuss finances about six and a half to eight months into a relationship, but Williams recommends couples begin talking about finances as soon as they both agree that they enjoy being together and want to continue their relationship.
When initiating those tough conversations, Williams suggests starting slow and "building your comfort level with time." A lot of couples will first disclose their salary and the cost of major expenses, such as their rent or mortgage, she says.
"If this is an uncomfortable topic for you, say so," Williams adds. "This will be an opportunity for you and your partner to support each other in new ways."
