Many Parents Make This Fatal Mistake When Praising Their Kids, Warns a Psychologist Who Studies Success In 'Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,' psychologist Carol Dweck reveals the right way to recognize children's accomplishments for long-term success.
By Amanda Breen Edited by Jessica Thomas
Key Takeaways
- Many parents with the best intentions inadvertently foster a fixed mindset in their children.
- Dweck provides several examples of such limiting praise — and of better ways to give it.
Praise can increase children's motivation and inspire them to be more cooperative, persistent and hardworking, research shows — but only if it's doled out the right way.
Yes, certain types of praise commonly lavished on kids by parents, teachers and coaches can actually be counterproductive to their long-term success, psychologist Carol Dweck explains in the updated edition of her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.
Related: Coaching and Parenting Have Similar Goals But It's a Big Mistake to Do Them the Same Way
In a chapter on where children's mindsets come from, Dweck, who coined the term "growth mindset" in the book's 2006 edition, shares several examples of success messaging that can have a negative impact: "You learned that so quickly! You're so smart!" "Look at that drawing. Martha, is he the next Picasso or what?" "You're so brilliant; you got an A without even trying!"
What's the problem? Although most parents consider the above supportive confidence-boosters, children can take away something else, Dweck writes: "If I don't learn something quickly, I'm not smart." "I shouldn't try drawing anything hard or they'll see I'm no Picasso." "I'd better quit studying or they won't think I'm brilliant."
Related: 10 Steps to Achieve a Growth Mindset in Business | BIZ Experiences
Such praise inadvertently fosters a "fixed mindset," a self-limiting belief that holds someone back, as opposed to a growth mindset, a belief in the potential to improve through dedication and hard work that allows someone to do just that.
According to Dweck, parents and other authority figures should avoid praising children's talent or intelligence and instead recognize how their efforts yield positive results.
Here are a few examples of constructive praise Dweck provides in Mindset:
"You really studied for your test and your improvement shows it. You read the material several times, outlined it, and tested yourself on it. It really worked!"
"That homework was so long and involved. I really admire the way you concentrated and finished it."
"The passion you put into that piano piece gives me a real feeling of joy. How do you feel when you play it?"
Related: 4 Ways Parenting and Leadership Work Together | BIZ Experiences
It's great to instill a growth mindset from an early age, but for adults who might have cultivated fixed mindsets over the years, it's not too late. You can start by practicing self-reflection, embracing challenges as they arrive and taking calculated risks.
