'Benign Neglect' Is a Parenting Style That Makes Children More Confident, Experts Say — Here's How to Do It Right When practiced effectively, "benign neglect" can foster happiness and independence, paving the path for a child's long-term success.
By Amanda Breen Edited by Jessica Thomas
Key Takeaways
- Over-controlling parenting styles, often labeled as "helicopter parenting," can hinder a child's ability to handle challenges and thrive in adulthood.
- "Benign neglect" promotes independence and confidence in children, preparing them for professional and personal relationships.
Many people are familiar with the term "helicopter parenting," where parents become over-involved with their children's lives in an attempt to ensure their safety and success. However, over-controlling parents might be doing their kids more harm than good, depriving them of the ability to navigate challenges and professional environments as they enter adulthood, according to research from the American Psychological Association.
So, what's the alternative for parents who want to set children up for the best possible outcome? Enter "benign neglect" — a parenting style that nurtures independence in children. It's essentially "the opposite of 'helicopter parenting,'" as the "hands-off approach" gives kids "the space to identify, leverage and gain confidence in their strengths," Gigi Schweikert, who has more than 30 years of experience in early childhood education and is CEO of Lightbridge Academy, tells BIZ Experiences.
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And some high-profile parents are embracing it. In December, actor Jennifer Garner appeared on Today to discuss how she's raising the three children she shares with Ben Affleck with a bit of benign neglect. "I want to be around. But I also think it's OK if they suffer from a little bit of benign neglect," she said, adding, "Their lives are their own. I'm not trying to live their life, and I don't mind that they see that I love mine."
According to Schweikert, empowering kids with the ability to explore and make choices builds up their sense of autonomy, which instills a sense of confidence and decision-making skills. "Giving them this autonomy, in a safe environment, will also help to prepare them when managing friendships and relationships in a classroom setting, and even later in life once they begin their careers," she adds.
For mother Steph Auteri, benign neglect involves drawing clear boundaries while she's working from home, per Romper. When Auteri's 7-year-old daughter comes into her office during the work day and asks to "play pretend or color or build a fairy house," Auteri doesn't drop what she's doing to entertain her, and it allows her daughter's "creativity to explode" — sometimes in the form of cardboard contraptions or superhero comics.
Schweikert notes that benign neglect "is age-dependent and does not support or champion true neglect." If parents go too far in prioritizing their personal interests over the needs of their family, it could result in a lack of emotional connection between the parent and children. Instead, parents should strive to strike the "healthy balance" of finding enjoyment in their own lives and giving their kids room to do the same.
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"For the benign neglect parenting style to work effectively, parents must still be present to create a safe environment for their children to explore and grow confidence in themselves," Schweikert says.
