Are You Too Trusting? A Psychologist Reveals 3 Signs You Should Walk Away From Someone — Fast. Constance Dierickx, Ph.D., says it's tempting to rely on others when you're under stress — but it can be a big mistake.
By Amanda Breen Edited by Jessica Thomas
When you find yourself in need of good advice or a second opinion, chances are you turn to those you think you can trust — be it a family member, close friend or trained professional.
But what happens when we have too much faith in others, and how can we recognize the tell-tale signs before it's too late?
It's a subject leadership psychologist Constance Dierickx, Ph.D., takes up in her recently published book Meta-Leadership, which explores how leaders can avoid common decision-making traps.
Related: 6 Personality Traits That Can Make You a More Trusted BIZ Experiences
According to Dierickx, it's tempting to rely on the advice of others in high-pressure moments; you might even want them to tell you exactly what to do. But that's a "huge mistake," she says — opening you up to bad advice and serious missteps.
"A trusted person can be indispensable as a sounding board, point you to resources and sometimes give direct advice," Dierickx tells BIZ Experiences. "But a too-close relationship can be a trap that, while hard to see in advance, is also challenging to get out of later."
Overly relying on other people for too long can result in a harmful dependency, limiting your options and autonomy, Dierickx warns. And once you give up control, it can be incredibly difficult to get it back.
Related: Build Trust with Anyone Using These 10 Proven Strategies
Dierickx describes three red flags that indicate you should think twice before accepting someone's words of wisdom:
1. Their advice is unsolicited, and they're acting like an expert even though they aren't one
"Experience alone does not constitute expertise, let alone wisdom," Dierickx notes. "Because someone can be relied upon in some situations doesn't mean they are wise in all things."
2. They do have expertise, but they're not being transparent about where their advice comes from
"I have been an advisor to boards and senior executives for 25 years," Dierickx says. "Still, I always tell my clients when my advice is based on scientific research, my experience, my knowledge of their organization or some combination."
3. They're pressuring you to accept their advice
"This is emotional manipulation (or blackmail)," Dierickx explains, "and, for many people, is experienced first as a feeling, a sense that something is 'off.' That's because it is. You always have the right to tell someone you are ending the conversation, even if you initiated it, and are not obligated to explain why."
Related: 5 Body Language Signs of a Manipulator | BIZ Experiences
The good news? They don't have any power over you if you don't give it to them.
"The way to avoid this situation is to have healthy boundaries and self-esteem," Dierickx says. "Short of that, anyone can be on the lookout for people who seek out people to rescue. This can be a cover for their lack of competence and confidence. Harlan Lane called it 'The Mask of Benevolence.'"
