The Highest-Paid, Highest-Profile People In Every Field Know This Communication Strategy Learn how to masterfully navigate complicated webs of communication filters with this strategy we copied from leaders and communication pros.

As we've all learned the hard way, there is a big difference between the intent of a message and the impact of the message.

Responding to your boss with something as simple as "that's great!" can be the most enthusiastic thing to say when you find out your district manager is coming — or the most sarcastic, depending on a few context clues.

You can have the best intentions and still be misunderstood or rub someone the wrong way. Also, there's no way to predict how a message will be taken by your boss, coworker or clients... or can you?

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BIZ Experiences, in conjunction with Nightingale-Conant, has talked to and studied the successful BIZ Experiencess and leaders in a wide array of industries about this very problem. We found out that leaders don't have a problem with this anymore — they've learned to overcome this struggle and exude tactfulness in every interaction.

The best way to think about communication between two parties is as a light prism. Communication filters can distort the clarity of the message the same way a prism or camera filter bends or distorts light, writes author Thomas Crane in his book The Heart of Coaching:

They operate at both the transmission point and the reception point — that is, they affect how you say what you say and how others hear it… And as the group becomes larger, the potential for confusion and chaos rises exponentially as each person's filters distort group communication in unpredictable ways.

The highest-paid, highest-profile people in any field have learned how to navigate this complicated web of communication filters masterfully. We're calling this quality Advanced Communication Aptitude (ACA). These people have learned how to identify different types of communication filters or blockers and then use a certain communication strategy to overcome any foreseeable miscommunications.

What communication blockers should you look out for?

Here are some common communication filters that can affect how a message is sent and received:

Mental State

The mental state refers to our frame of mind during the communication experience. Mental state filters can include assumptions, intentions, hidden agendas, beliefs and judgments about others and ourselves. So if you're communicating with someone you think has a hidden agenda, or you make certain assumptions, that is a mental state filter. People who have ACA can recognize their mental filters and the mental filters of others as they affect the communication experience.

Emotional State

The emotional state refers to feelings or emotions that affect the clarity of communication. When we're in a good mood, we're often more resourceful, easygoing and open to change. When we're feeling threatened, insecure, self-conscious or stressed out, we're more likely to feel threatened by change and get caught up in defensiveness or protectiveness in our communications.

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People who have ACA can manage their emotional states as well as those of others so that they can get their message across and clearly understand the message of others. If you ever told someone, "this isn't a good time to talk to so-and-so, they are having a bad day," then you understand how emotional states impact the conversation's outcome.

Relationship State

The last category of communication filters is the current state of the relationship. This deals with the context and history between two parties and how that can impact the message. Two parties that have had bad blood in the past might communicate differently than groups that have fostered a healthy relationship from the start.

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What's the trick?

The commonality between all great leaders and successful BIZ Experiencess is how they approach the situation with intuition. How did they develop this intuition? The best way for us to describe the strategy is with the Ask, Consider and Act method — the same acronym as Advanced Communication Aptitude (ACA). We helped create this communication model as a way to help you better help you understand how those who are in the top 2% of their fields communicate.

Ask

The first A stands for Ask. That means that you need to listen for the relevant information, taking into account any communication filters (mental, emotional, relationship) that the person might be operating with. Common ways to ask include the phrases:

• "What's going on?"
• "I'd really like to hear your input on this."
• "Please let me know if you see it differently."
• "Don't worry about hurting my feelings. I'd really like to know your thoughts."

Then you need to reflect your understanding of the relevant information:

"OK, so let me make sure I understand…"

Now, it's important to ensure your filters aren't affecting communication. These phrases and questions should be said with an attitude of openness. If you feel that emotions are running high, take a break and return to the conversation when you've evaluated your filters. By taking time to ask the right questions, you are opening the conversation and learning the best way to approach it.

Consider

The next step in the model is Consider. In this model, you want to identify the communication style of the person you are communicating with. Then, using the person's communication style, you share all relevant information, including what you learned from the other person and what you bring to the conversation.

Act

Finally, you move to the third stage in the ACA model, which is to Act. This is a critical part of the conversation because a conversation is not the same thing as a decision. Expectations can be misaligned if you're not on the same page about what will come after the conversation.

One person can think the conversation meant one thing, and the other can think it meant something completely different. You need to act by taking active steps in ensuring you and the other party are mutually moving forward from what was discussed in the conversation.

The way to prevent this is before you decide what the next steps are, jointly decide how to decide. There are times when it's pretty clear who is making the decision. If your boss or commanding officer says to do something, guess what? You're going to do it. But if there's no clear line of authority, you must come to a joint decision on how best to make the decision.

According to the authors of Crucial Conversations, there are four ways to make a decision. They are command, consult, vote and consensus.

• Command is when one person makes the decision and doesn't really need anyone's input.
• Consult is when one person makes the decision, but they get the input of others before choosing.
• Voting is when everyone has a say in the outcome, but not everyone will agree. Majority rules.
• Consensus is when everyone must buy into the decision.

So, in the Act stage of the model, you jointly decide how to decide, then make decisions based on one of the four methods above. Once this is done and the decisions have been made, it's important to clarify everyone's roles. You need to decide WHO does WHAT by WHEN and what it's going to look like when it's done.

Communicating clearly is one of the most effective skills you can cultivate as a business leader. Remember to communicate using nonverbal and verbal cues. Listen carefully to what others have to say, overcommunicate in novel ways to ensure the content of the conversation sticks with the audience, and use the ACA method adored by leaders everywhere.

This story was excerpted from the book The Top 2 Percent. Buy it now from BIZ Experiences Bookstore | Amazon | Barnes & Noble.

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