Is Someone Using Subtle Power Moves on You? Here's What You Need to Know — and How to Regain Equal Footing. Sometimes, it can be hard to figure out a person's intentions, especially if you've just met them.

Power imbalances are everywhere, and they can show up in subtle ways, even during simple, initial interactions. Ever had someone say "it's nice to see you" at a first meeting, then repeat your name ad nauseam? The person could be attempting to build rapport, or they might just be deploying tactics they've gleaned from leadership literature.

Sure, some leadership advice can be helpful (most people do appreciate eye contact and a smile). Still, it can also be shallow, unnatural and, ultimately, detrimental — for example, the oft-repeated suggestion to turn up the volume to seem more commanding. Part of the problem? Management books and commentaries often oversimplify and rarely offer useful guidance about the skills and behavior required to get things done, according to McKinsey & Company.

Subtle power moves, whether off the cuff or calculated, have the potential to throw their recipient for a loop, effectively giving the person using them the upper hand. Sometimes, it can be challenging to determine another person's intentions, especially if you're not well-acquainted with them. But when it comes to power imbalances, impact just might be more important than intent: If you feel like your power is slipping away, it probably is.

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Such power imbalances are at the root of today's workplace (and societal) issues, making for burned-out leaders and checked-out employees, serial BIZ Experiences and psychology researcher Tania Luna tells BIZ Experiences. In her recent book LEAD TOGETHER: Stop Squirreling Away Power And Build A Better Team, Luna unpacks the dangers of a "power-over" approach, encouraging a "power-with" strategy instead.

What's the difference? According to Luna, the "power-over" paradigm uses power to control others, while the "power-with" method refers to using the power we have to grow the power in others. "It relies on growing individual power and ensuring that power is never too concentrated with one person or group," Luna explains. "Only by sharing power in this way can we increase our collective capacity to get things done and develop the resilience we need to flourish even in the most unpredictable and toughest of times."

We signal our relative power constantly in conversations, Luna says — and it's worth considering the small, subtle ways we can close existing power gaps.

Luna suggests asking genuine questions, spending more time listening than talking, making fun of ourselves, using hedging language ("I think," "I wonder"), talking about our mistakes and flaws, naming our emotions, revealing personal information and inviting people to join our conversations. "Linguistics research also shows that people can lower their perception of power by starting sentences with "I" pronouns," she says. "For example: 'I'm happy to help,' registers in our brains more warmly than 'happy to help.'"

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There's "definitely a relationship" between subtle conversational tactics and the "power-over"/ "power-with" models, too, Luna says. Can you tell from a distance who has more or less power? It isn't hard in a "power-over" culture — because someone is probably talking more, taking up more physical space and spending less time looking at others, she says.

"In a 'power-with' culture, it's impossible to tell who is in charge," Luna explains. "Group members have equal talk time, monitor participation to draw others into the conversation, have relaxed body language and pay careful attention to one another. It's beautiful to see a group engaged in a 'power-with' conversation."