My Leadership Was Tested Twice, and Both Times — I Failed. Here's What I'll Never Do Again. How facing two major setbacks changed my approach to leadership and decision-making for good.

During my first five years in leadership, as both a branch manager and a district manager, I was asked twice to deliver employee performance reviews that I didn't fully agree with.

At the first institution, I inherited a direct report in the final two months of the year who had come from another manager. That manager had left the company and couldn't deliver the review. At the second institution, I was asked to lower my original scores for many of my employees to drive down the average for our region. In both cases, senior leaders wanted to send strong messages to these employees that they weren't performing and needed to work harder to deliver better results.

Related: Do You Work for a Toxic Company? Here Are 4 Not-So-Obvious Signs to Watch Out For.

In the first instance, I felt uncomfortable rating someone so poorly that I hardly knew. I also hadn't spent most of the year with her, so I hadn't observed much of her performance. In the second instance, I felt uncomfortable giving my employees (who I knew very well) scores that didn't match my own assessment of their performance.

When asked to do this the first time, I said little and hardly argued. I didn't want to make waves. I didn't speak up to ask my boss (who did know my direct report) to deliver the review for me (since he'd had many interactions with her). In the second case, I said more. I cited specific examples of my employees' strong performance and shared my belief that scoring them low as individuals (just because our region wasn't meeting its goals) was unfair. I told my boss that I feared we'd demotivate and demoralize employees instead of showing them we valued and appreciated them. But ultimately, I folded in the face of pushback.

In both instances, I delivered reviews that I didn't feel good about. I focused on what these employees lacked, instead of what they'd done well. I highlighted their mistakes and weaknesses and ignored their wins and strengths. As expected, there were consequences.

In the first instance, my new direct report was hurt and angry. I couldn't explain her review to her (since it really didn't come from me), she felt singled out and ultimately filed a complaint with HR.

In the second instance, I had a much better relationship with the employees I was asked to lowball, and while they never filed a complaint, they transparently told me that they were devastated by their review. One of these employees told me, "Amy, it's so obvious that this didn't come from you. You've always recognized our contributions and hard work. All of that is absent from this. They've finally gotten to you." That stung because I knew he was right. This took place over 10 years ago, and I can still remember his exact words.

I walked away from these interactions feeling both guilt and shame. I later realized that I owed everyone around me much better leadership than what I had given. My employees were right: My bosses had made it difficult and uncomfortable to do the right thing, and I'd caved to that pressure. I'd been given instructions and orders that I disagreed with, but instead of standing my ground and advocating for what I believed was right, I'd simply fallen in line. I'd been more focused on acquiescing and keeping my boss happy than living in accordance with key values like integrity, accountability and courage.

Related: How I Failed Miserably As a Leader and Ultimately Improved My Company

I was disappointed in myself, and I didn't like how that felt. I also believed my people deserved better. As time passed, I realized that being a truly exceptional leader was my top value. I decided that exceptional leaders regularly exude courage. They fight for what's right. They treat others with respect. They speak their mind. They stand for something. They aren't afraid of getting fired for doing these things, and if they are, they do them anyway because they know their value and worth. They would never work for a boss or organization that asks them to violate their own ethics. They wouldn't work for someone who asked them to lower a review score to set someone up for termination or get to a group average.

Check out Amy Chambers' book, The 6 H.A.B.I.T.S. of Powerful People, available now. Get 15% off your purchase with Amy's code HABITS15 at checkout.

I made a commitment to be a stronger leader. After these instances, when I was questioned about my people's performance, I made sure I always came prepared with facts and figures. When bosses would encourage me to discipline or terminate an employee, I made sure we had an open dialogue about the situation and that I was 100% on board before ever moving forward. In cases where I wasn't, I'd ask for more time to rectify the situation with my employees and then follow up with updates. I began keeping a file of all the great things my people had done and specific things I was coaching them on.

Using this information, I started offering my employees quarterly or semi-annually "mock reviews," where we'd go through their performance reviews as if they were the real thing. There, they'd find out how I'd grade them at that time. When it came time for the annual review there were no surprises on either side. I wouldn't force them to do this, but all of them wanted these "mock reviews" as often as I offered them. They all wanted to know where they stood before the year was over. It also gave them the chance to improve. This was in addition to our regular, weekly 1:1s.

Once I implemented these things, never again did I sit in an employee review and share information I didn't wholeheartedly agree with. It felt good to be a proud advocate of my people. After all, no one knew my people as well as I did. In the times when my boss and I saw it differently, it felt good to bravely stand up for them. Once I made this shift, my employees regularly gave me feedback that they felt they could always count on me to be 100% authentic and genuine, and how much they appreciated that. Everyone works harder and does better when they know they're working in a completely fair environment.