Why Three Days of Bereavement Leave is Not Enough It's time to rethink bereavement leave and the way that we deal with loss in the workplace.
Opinions expressed by BIZ Experiences contributors are their own.
My dad passed away unexpectedly in July 2022. After a year, I'm still grieving. My own experience made me rethink bereavement leave and the way that we deal with loss and grief in the workplace.
I've worked in human resources for 24 years, and during that time I've reviewed countless bereavement policies for my own previous employers and current clients. The average amount of bereavement time in the United States is three days. Some policies specify the number of days based on the relationship between the employee and the family member, with closer familial relationships being awarded more time. More flexible policies offer bereavement leave for extended family members and even pets.
Employers have expected employees to take a few days off, make arrangements for their loved ones and return to work as if nothing happened. The reality is that three days aren't sufficient to process the death of a close family member. We don't lose someone on day one, grieve for two days and then come back to work like everything is normal. Instead, the grieving process may last weeks, months or even years. Some would argue that the loss never goes away. We just learn to live with it.
As employers, we need to do better when it comes to our thinking about bereavement leave.
Related: How to Recognize and Address Mental Health Issues Among Employees
There is not a one-size-fits-all solution
Since the pandemic, many employers have created more flexible work environments, and that's a step in the right direction for being supportive of your employees who experience a loss. Flexibility may look different for each employee — managers and HR professionals should work with the individual to determine how the organization can best support the grieving employee. There may be a need to adjust work schedules for an initial period of time or allow more flexibility for leave requests.
Even a simple shift from a steadfast policy to broader guidelines around bereavement leave could signal to employees that there's flexibility for their unique situation.
Some organizations have counseling services as a part of their employee assistance programs (EAPs). This may be an option that the employee's manager or HR professional should provide during the initial conversation with the employee. If an EAP doesn't exist, there may be local counseling and grief support resources available to assist the employee.
Also, think about the space that the employee is using in the physical workplace. Do they have privacy? Is there a place for them to go if they need a few minutes to take a personal call, refocus or have a good cry?
Even though it has been a year since I lost my dad, there have been many days where something sparks a memory and I need a few minutes to compose myself. Your employees may also need this kind of space, away from other co-workers.
Related: 9 Steps BIZ Experiencess Can Take to Bounce Back From Losing a Loved One
Trust your employees and don't create unnecessary barriers
Many bereavement policies include wording that says the employee must present an obituary or death certificate. Don't do this. It's unnecessary and not in any way empathetic to what the employee is experiencing. There are very few employees who would "game the system" by taking bereavement when they don't qualify for it.
Bereavement leave should be a benefit to your employees, so treat it like you would other types of leave that don't have artificial documentation requirements.
Grief isn't limited to the time after a death
One final note on the grieving process: Sometimes grief happens before the person dies.
I had a recent conversation with a friend who has a parent dying from cancer. The parent is undergoing treatment and is now requiring more care and attention. My friend has taken on the responsibility of caregiving and taking her parent to medical appointments, all while balancing the demands of raising her own family and working full-time. She has needed some flexibility from her employer to accommodate these new demands on her time. She will continue to need the support of her employer as this situation plays out.
The best thing that we can do as employers is to be supportive of the individual and their situation. It is always unenviable to be losing or to have lost an important person in our lives. Being understanding and kind during these delicate situations will build better workplace morale among your entire staff.
Related: How to Create a Work Environment That Supports Grief and Loss
