Most People Overlook This Social Trick to Make Others Like You: 'It Requires Little Talent and Adds so Much Value' It's easy and creates all kinds of opportunities.
By Jason Feifer Edited by Frances Dodds
This story appears in the September 2024 issue of BIZ Experiences. Subscribe »
How responsive are you — to friends, colleagues, and even strangers?
Now, be honest: Have you ever really thought about that? You should.
"I find responsiveness to be one of the qualities I value most in people, and some of the best leaders and people I know are responsive," the pop artist Artie Sandstone recently wrote me. "On the flip side, so many people I love and respect seem to place responsiveness on a lower level of importance. Why? It requires little talent and adds so much value."
Great question. Responsiveness might be the easiest, simplest, and yet most overlooked thing you can do to make people happy, show them respect, and create new opportunities. I reply to almost everyone who emails or DMs me, and have benefited enormously.
I get it — responding to people is time-consuming! So let's make it easier for you. To start, I suspect there are three reasons that people don't do it.
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1. Organizational breakdown.
Everyone has their own system for staying on top of things — and as we get busier, those systems become strained. Then we must make a choice: Do we stick with a system that limits us, or do we build a new one? Mark Cuban is a good example: He famously publicizes his email address and replies to many people. (I emailed him once. I heard back within an hour!) He says he gets 750 to 1,000 pitches from founders daily. How does he manage it? With a system: He delegates follow-ups (which, OK, not everyone can do) and uses Gmail filters (which anyone can do!).
2. Prioritizing big things.
Yes, small tasks can distract from big tasks. But don't forget: Small tasks (like replying to people) can add up to big value too. People talk! Reputations are built! I've been hired for speaking gigs because I replied to inquiries faster. People tell me they've followed my work for years (and bought my stuff!) because I once replied to them. It matters.
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3. It takes too much time.
"I just don't have the bandwidth," people say. I sympathize. So here's how I manage it myself. Like I said earlier, I reply to almost everyone who emails or DMs me, but with some caveats: This can stress me out, so I take breaks. I also optimize for long-term value and relationships, which means I delete most promotional messages (like from publicists or salespeople), because they're purely transactional.
This is not about absolutes. Instead, it's about creating a stronger habit and ethos of responsiveness. It's within your reach, because here's the biggest thing I've learned: Responding is much easier than you think.
When I became editor in chief of BIZ Experiences magazine, for example, my inbox exploded with requests. I felt a weight of obligation. But over time, I realized something: People don't expect me — or you, or anyone — to give them everything they want. They just appreciate being heard.
Simply replying "thank you" can make someone's day. When I say no to someone's request, they say they're grateful to hear back. And if you want to wow someone, just set aside a moment for extra thoughtfulness.
This goes beyond email or strangers. It's about friends. Colleagues. Customers. I once texted a question to a professional acquaintance, who replied with a 15-minute voice memo and an offer to fly to New York for a meeting. Now we're building things together. Responsiveness.
When I was dating, I replied quickly to text messages — because why make someone wait? One girlfriend told me she really appreciated that, because it showed I cared and that shortcut her anxiety. Now we're married. Responsiveness.
I'm not saying you must be perfect. But I am saying: More than anything else, people want to feel heard. When you give them that, you convert strangers into fans, and friends into partners. So just respond.
