'Agree to Disagree' Can Lead to Feuds and Fallouts. Here's a Better Way to Handle Conflict. The cofounders of Smart Passive Income have learned that pushing through disagreements leads to successes more than avoidance and resentments.

When Pat Flynn disagreed with people, he knew what to do: Agree to disagree, and move on. Isn't that how civilized people act? he thought. Value productivity over endless fighting?

But back then, Flynn was a solopreneur running his company Smart Passive Income. Eventually it grew beyond his abilities, so he talked with frequent collaborator Matt Gartland about forming a new company. Gartland came with a lot more partnership experience — he'd been a founder six other times, so he had seen what worked and what didn't.

That's why, when Flynn and Gartland eventually disagreed on something, Gartland wouldn't let Flynn simply move on. They cannot agree to disagree, he said. They must instead disagree and commit.

"That creates a healthy relationship," Gartland says.

"It was revolutionary to me," Flynn says.

The phrase disagree and commit has been around since the 1980s, and was more recently popularized by Jeff Bezos. In short, it means: Be free to disagree with someone as a decision is being made — but once the decision is made, everyone must commit to executing it. As Gartland puts it: "I will state my disagreement, and I need the safety to do that, but I support your authority to make this decision, and I am committed to your success."

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Why is this better? Because when done right, it fosters honesty and creates space for new ideas. Also, Gartland says, nobody ever truly agrees to disagree. They just secretly root for the other person to fail, so they can say, "I told you so."

"You have to play for high stakes," Gartland says — and recognize what's really at risk. Disagreements aren't about any individual decision; they're about relationships and livelihoods. He thinks about his relationship with Flynn, the responsibility they have to their nine employees, and the services they offer their customers. "If we screw this up and experience founder fallout, then this just goes kaboom," he says. You don't gamble with that stuff.

For example, Flynn was once skeptical of email newsletters. He thought they were fine for marketing purposes, but nothing else. "I'm the face of the company, I am closest to our audience, and I know that most of them don't wake up in the morning and look forward to reading a newsletter," Flynn remembers telling their team. But Gartland and everyone else disagreed. They saw the resurgence of email newsletters coming and thought Flynn should write one.

Had they simply agreed to disagree, Flynn would have refused to write a newsletter, the team would have believed it was a mistake, and that would be that. But instead, Flynn remained open to the discussion, and the team felt empowered to keep pushing. Eventually they reframed the issue as a design-thinking challenge. "How might you create a newsletter that your audience would actually want to open as soon as it came in their inbox?" the team asked Flynn.

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He liked this challenge. "I knew I'd have to give it a chance, in order to honor them and their disagreement," he says. To his surprise, he was proud of the results. They launched the newsletter, and it's since become one of the brand's most popular products.

That moment helped Flynn understand the power of disagreeing and committing. By focusing on the higher stakes, he reminded himself that everyone on the team had the same mission — to make great products for their audience. "Knowing that the team was there, and that they're also looking out for the same people I'm looking out for, allowed me to see it from a different angle," he says.

Then they ultimately agreed to agree.