Make A Splash A name like the Toilet-Seat Light can have Thomas Edison rolling in his grave, but it can't sell a product on its own.

A clever product-the Toilet-Seat Light-has young BIZ ExperiencesKevin Mbithe, 19, rushing out to run small-space ads to attractattention. And yet he writes he's had "a very low customerresponse." I think I know the problem. It's certainly notthe product itself-it's a stopper. Apart from its obviousutility, you can't help but get a chuckle out of it. However,Mbithe is relying on the name alone to do the work for his ad.

To a degree, because of its uniqueness, the name gets notice.But does it impel the reader to buy? No, because using the namealone, without spelling out a reason to buy the product in theheadline, is risky.

Mbithe also needs to make the offer much stronger. Since mosthomes, and many apartments, have two toilets, I'd present thedeal this way: "Pay just $11.99 for one Toilet-Seat Light andget a second one FREE!" He'll multiply his profit withsuch a compelling deal. And $11.99 is a better price point becausethe product has a higher perceived value than $6.99.

For a headline that incorporates the "why" of thisproduct, I couldn't resist going with a rhyme. My proposedheadline is: "A Lite at Night to Aim Just Right."

The rest of Mbithe's copy is spot on-like "Spotlightsthe target so as to prevent messy misses." All he needs is agrabby headline. And, unless I missed, the new one is aimed justright.

Before:

The uniqueness of theproduct carries this ad, but it's too timid to get theattention it deserves.

1. The benefits are allidentified, but this ad needs to turn up the volume and sound offabout the product.

2. The offer of $6.99 needsto be adjusted. The price seems too low for the perceivedvalue.

After:

This ad uses a megaphoneto shout out a clever take on the benefit of the product.

1. A rhyming headline pullsin the prospect with a funny turn on the benefit.

2. The new "buy one,get one free" offer adds a powerful new reason to buy.

Jerry Fisher is a freelance advertising copywriter in the SanFrancisco Bay area and author of Creating Successful SmallBusiness Advertising (available through Bookmasters,800-247-6553). If you'd like Jerry to consider your materialsfor a makeover in this column, write to him c/o BIZ Experiencesor e-mail him at jerry228@aol.com.